Corporate Speak

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Time: 3:27
© 1996 Incredible Vibrato, BMI
On "Business Blues" by Marketing Mike and the Suits
Avaialble through BizBlues Records at

Downsize, rightsize, reduction in force, upsize, virtual means outsource
Reengineer means swing the ax, bunch of buzzwords to blur the facts
We can do more with less of course, outsource goes with reduction in force
Empowerment means cut POs, but cuttin' costs is your MBO
Downsizing gives empowerment, I don't know what that one meant

It's OK if you're repetitive, keep on saying competitive
But don't keep saying best in class, that's a clue you rank dead last
Competence means what you do, use that word they'll look up to you
Paradigm shift's a change in rules, a great excuse you can always use
Really means you missed a trend, don't say that or it's the end

Pay for performance means hourly pay, incent means they're gonna scare you today
Competence means what you do, better change that every year or two
Paradigm shift made sales drop, really means the strategy flopped
Virtual means fake yet real, bein' cheaper's the whole appeal
Fake yet real what's goin on, virtual's an oxymoron

When things go bad the solution's easy, just start talking quality
First say ISO9000, then cut headcount by a thousand
Then say faster cycle times, staff cuts help the assembly line
TQM will have a payoff xxxxxxxx
Always say you share the pain, then cash in stock for short-term gain

Use these words that sound profound, dish out BS by the pound
Never say what you really mean, in the corporate world that's obscene
Be confusing, don't be plain, make lawyers sound like Dick and Jane
The more you sound like you're sayin' something
The more you're really sayin' nothing
They'll never ask what you just said 'cause they'd look dumb and turn bright red

The words above were written by a songwriter who is desperately trying to make a living. Copying, retransmission or unauthorized reuse of this work not only violates federal copyright law, punishable by civil and criminal sanctions, but is outright theft and harms this author's livelihood. Please don't do it. For special permission, contact BizBlues Records.

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