The Company Christmas Party

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Time: 3:09
© 1996 Incredible Vibrato, BMI
On "Business Blues" by Marketing Mike and the Suits
Avaialble through BizBlues Records at

Careful what you do
Careful what you say
Beware the company Christmas party
It could blow your raise away
Put tape across your lips
This party's all politics
The ones who aren't drinking
They're doing the thinking
Keep your mouth shut
Don't loosen up
Cause the next time there's a reorg
You could wind up on your butt

Don't mention companies lies
Don't tell dirty jokes
Cause the boss has spies
Walking round makin' mental notes
They're waiting for mistakes
It could be your job they want to take
Don't joke about rubber chicken
Your paycheck could take a lickin'
Keep your spouse quiet
About who you bitch about
So you don't get reported
By some over-ambitious louse

Avoid hysterical laughter
You got to try to maintain
But the boss' wife looks so lame
It's so funny, you're in pain
Force yourself to keep quiet
Even though her outfit's a riot
Laughing will cost you money
But she's tryin' to look like she's twenty
Run outside and howl
Or hold your laughter in
But that grandma in a miniskirt's
So funny it's a sin

Friends and rivals all the same
This party's a power game
Protect yourself from attack
Don't get stabbed in the back
Use your common sense
Don't let 'em gain at your expense
Control your inhibitions
Don't hurt your political position
Watch out what you mumble
This ain't a party, it's a jungle
Any little stumble
And your raise could take a tumble

Get your eyes off the clock
Smile at your foes
Just make pleasant small talk
With jerks you'd rather punch in the nose
It's a four-hour endurance test
Better be at your best
'Cause any little slip-up
You'll fail this political test
Watch out what you say
Watch out what you do
'Cause the company Christmas party
Could damage your next review

By 10 you can't take any more
But the boss is by the door
Think about your bonus
When you leave they're gonna notice
Don't leave too soon or too late
If you're not sure, better wait
First to leave's too transparent
Last means you live with parents
Careful when arrive
Careful when you leave
'Cause you could lose your bonus
And be broke on Christmas Eve

The words above were written by a songwriter who is desperately trying to make a living. Copying, retransmission or unauthorized reuse of this work not only violates federal copyright law, punishable by civil and criminal sanctions, but is outright theft and harms this author's livelihood. Please don't do it. For special permission, contact BizBlues Records.

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