The Ad From Hell

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Time: 4:00
Copyright 1996 Incredible Vibrato, BMI
On "Marketing Blues" by Marketing Mike and the Suits
Available through BizBlues Records at http://bizblues.com

Ads made by committee
Always turn out shitty

We needed more prospects to know our name
Management said let's do a real campaign
I hired a shop with creative fame
Now we'll do ads that ain't mundane

When the time came for the final review
The whole company asked , can I come too?
Sure why not, these ads are great
With those words I sealed my fate

An army's in here
I'm frozen in fear

They saw the five ads and their mouths dropped open
All blank stares, my heart was broken
Then those stares became total disgust
My hot campaign's gonna bite the dust

Five separate ads will cost way too much money
If this is a joke it sure ain't funny
Five different ads with just a shot and a headline?
We want just one ad for all our product lines

Thought I'd get buy-in
I felt like dyin'

They told me to add a few pictures more
Just like ads for grocery stores
They said not to waste a single inch of space
Because of the cost to get the ad placed

Nobody gave me any protection
They made me use every suggestion
We kept on tryin again and again
I'd lost it by revision number ten

Ads made by committee
Always turn out shitty

The agency said, what a waste of time
We quit your account, you ain't worth a dime
We have a good name we gotta maintain
If we do this ad we'll look lame

The agency was right, we were insane
We butchered and trashed a great campaign
I told em I felt sorry, pissed and ashamed
That agency's gossip could wreck my name

I was on my own
The budget was blown

Five great ads that really said something
Cut down to one that don't say nothing
Ten product shots crammed into a page
Total responses were less than my age

Everyone's an expert at the advertising game
They love to make changes but not get blamed
It's all my fault that ad didn't work
I did what they said but I'm the big jerk

The ad from hell
Didn't pull too well

Management claimed they wanted great ads
Then they killed the best ones we'd ever had
Who knows what that agency's sayin
Maybe they'll keep quiet if I try praying

Don't let this story ever happen to you
Forget what they say, watch what they do
That's why I went through this three-minute rap
About a campaign that turned into crap

The ad from hell
Shot my career to hell!

The words above were written by a songwriter who is desperately trying to make a living. Copying, retransmission or unauthorized reuse of this work not only violates federal copyright law, punishable by civil and criminal sanctions, but is outright theft and harms this author's livelihood. Please don't do it. For special permission, contact BizBlues Records.